For the past week I have returned to my very strict diet in order to lose the last bit of weight that I wanted to lose. I have had to give up anything with sugar, artificial sweeteners, fat, oil, and starches. I have given up diet soda for green tea, salad dressings for vinegar or lemon juice. I have given up cheese, donuts, italian bread, pasta, in favor of lean meats, veggies and fruit. My candy, Mike & Ikes, gummy worms, chewy caramel and chocolate. I have given up alchohol, y'all. All of which is fine. Really. I can do anything if I know it works, and I know this works.
I go out to eat with friends and watch them eat fried foods while I have a plain salad. Watch them have a beer while I sip lemon water. None of it has bothered me. Last summer when I did my first 6 week stint on this diet, no one was more surprised than I at my iron willpower. I don't begrudge giving up anything, it's just food after all. And I know if I stick with it I will lose weight. However, there is one small exception.
I would sell my soul right now to be able to put some creamer in my coffee. It surprises me how overwhelming the urge, need, craving is to have it. It isn't that I don't like the flavor of coffee, I do. It's just SO much more pleasurable to me with creamer in it. I love the color, I love the taste, it even changes the smell. I know it is a psychological thing, but of all things to struggle with, this one has surprised me.
I value my morning coffee. I am notorious for not being able to do without it, come what may. I will not substitute a soda or anything just for the caffeine. It is something about having that steaming hot mug of coffee in the morning that just makes my day start off right. If my coffee isn't good, I am grumpy. If I don't get enough, I am listless. And if I don't get creamer, I am unsatisfied.
Last time I was on this diet I thought, “after spending 6 weeks drinking coffee without creamer I think maybe I will keep doing it.” That lasted one day. If even that.
I know, I make this sound like some enormous sacrifice. And really, it isn't. In the grand scheme of life, it's a minute detail that simply makes life....comfortable, predictable and easier to deal with. I think of my friend Brownie who had triple bypass 3 weeks ago. I think of all that she's going through during recovery and how she is kicking ass and taking names. What a strong woman! I am so proud of her and her recovery.
And I think that if she can kick ass on heart disease, I can give up my stupid creamer for 6 weeks. How ridiculous to be pining away for something so stupid. And yet, at night, I dream of once again having my beloved creamer. Pouring into my coffee like so much delicious pleasure right there in my cup.